(I started this post awhile ago, before I found out I would need surgery. There will be no two week wait for me for at least a couple of months, but for all of you TTC, maybe you can relate.)

This is a silly post about a little phenomenon known as the TWO WEEK WAIT. Just when you thought conception couldn’t get any more entertaining, you come face to face with the two week wait (TWW). For those of you who haven’t got a clue what I’m talking about, after a woman ovulates, it is approximately 14 days until she will get her next period.

When you’re trying to have a baby that means you have two weeks of mystery before you know if you will be a mama or if you will be having a glass of Chardonnay. During this period of time, your mind can play all kinds of tricks on you. For me, often times, I was completely convinced I could feel things happening a day or two after conception was supposed to occur. Umm, that isn’t really possible. But in my warped world, it was.

Here are some of my embarrassingly paranoid moments that prove I could never be those women on TV who didn’t know they were pregnant.

1) I was constantly getting to second base with myself. Several days of squeezing the boobs and pinching the nips to check if anything was sore. Most websites and books will tell you that sore boobs are one of the first signs of pregnancy. I think I physically created sore boobs (and alienated coworkers) by squeezing my girls a lot.

2) Any little twinge, cramp, or “feeling” anywhere in the vicinity of my ovaries had me convinced “something was moving down there.” That something turned out to be menstrual cramps. Or maybe gas? Sex-ay.

3) I would drink a ton of water, forget that I drank the water, and then go to the bathroom “more than usual.” A symptom of early pregnancy is constant peeing, but not when you are drinking half your weight in water. When you’re drinking all of that water, constant peeing happens.

4) Crying easily. There were a few times that I sat in front of the TV whimpering over Hallmark channel movies that I thought, “Maybe the pregnancy hormones have begun?” But I’m always a sap, especially around the crimson tide. So again, just my imagination.

5) My skin’s breaking out! My hormones must be changing! Nope, just some PMS mixed with forgetting to wash your face before bed.

6) Spotting. I firmly believed it was “implantation bleeding” every single time. No dummy, it’s just your period about to land.

Common sense should tell a woman that missing her period is the first sign of pregnancy. Duh.

But I’m a head case. Also, googling early pregnancy symptoms is bad. Don’t do it. Chances are some alien woman got pregnant with an alien baby and had the same exact symptom you are having at the same exact moment you are having it. Google validates two week wait lunacy. It also validates internet stalking.

Trying to conceive will do weird things to you. If you never had to actually “try” at conception, look at all you missed out on! 😉