I was going to write a post entitled “Wifely Failures” and talk about all the things I don’t do right or all the shortcomings I feel guilty about as a wife. Then I thought, you know what? Eff that. (I have taken to using “eff” as much as I can rather than the actual F-word, because I am trying to improve on my dirty potty mouth. Bear with me, kids.)
But moving on, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, I’m sick of the doom and gloom. It’s all just too NEGATIVE. Sometimes it feels like it is easier to discuss all the things we aren’t doing than to give ourselves a little praise. I was thinking I would do a post about a few wifely things I am proud of. This isn’t a bragging session. Believe me, when you read it, you’ll understand. The list is just small, everyday stuff, but I hope these little things count for something.
Here goes.
(1) L has an abnormally itchy back. Therefore, he always wants a back scratch. He once told me that in college his friends that were girls (not actual “girlfriends”) used to give him the best back scratches. After I heard that (because I am a competitive little weasel) I made it my mission to be L’s best back scratcher. By showing off, I actually shot myself in the foot, because L became dependent on my back scratches. It’s seven years later, and L still gets his back scratched every day.
(2) I have already talked about how I squeegee the shower. I’m taking credit for it again.
(3) I listen to Eminem (one of his all time favorites) with him in the car, and when I hear lyrics along the lines of “rot in hell you stupid bitch”, I smile and say, “Nice, honey.”
(4) When he asks me, “Do I look fat?” or “Do I look like I gained weight?” I say, “No, baby. You look great.” I find it funny how men are taught to always say “no” when women ask them that same question. Men can be self-conscious, too!
(5) We both have this habit of peeling off our clothes at the end of the day, changing into PJs, and leaving piles of unfolded clothes on the floor. I spend a good amount of time folding and hanging both my clothes and his clothes almost every day. I’m not his maid, but it’s just a little way to show him I care.
(6) When I can, I drive out to his office and we have lunch together. It doesn’t happen every week, but I have made a habit of it.
Ok, now it’s your turn. Comment on a few little things you do for your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend that come from an unselfish place. Give yourself a little pat on the back, because being in a relationship is hard work.
Chic 'n Cheap Living
Unselfish?! That's hard. I give him the occasional back rub but I think me cooking almost every day (because I don't love love cooking) and incorporating somewhat healthy stuff merits a pat on the back.
Peggy
Hi Carly! I, too, often think of the ways I fail as a wife so thanks for your post – what a way to change perspective. My hubs likes back rubs but more than that, just before falling asleep, he likes it when I rub his belly. Just like a lil puppy. I think it's cute.
momentspassslow
It was awesome to see this post this morning after arguing with my husband last night that we are too busy (oh woe is us, people want to spend time with us!) … I definitely deserve a pat on the back for cleaning the bathrooms every. single. time. Also I do the grocery shopping 95% of the time – and I hate grocery shopping. It's just easier for me with my schedule. Those are two of the bigger ones, lots of little ones here and there. Thanks for this positive post today!
BigAppleNosh
Cute post! I guess my thing would be I buy snacks he likes from the grocery store, even though I never eat them myself (I've got my own snackstash) 🙂
Yankee
I *love* this post. And life is all about the small things, anyway :o)
B loves his video games. There are a good few hours a week that I let him dull his mind and mess with killer zombies and so forth. I even purchased a PS3 for him since I knew how much he wanted it, but would never buy it for himself.
I'm also laundry woman. B places his clothes everywhere but IN the basket, but I pile his clothes into hamper and do it with a smile on my face.
MayLove
I really appreciated this post. I've been so down in the dumps for so many reasons lately that yesterday I was thinking "God, I am totally hating myself for being such a Debbie Downer. I really want/need this to stop." Like you, I am trying to write more positive posts, but so far nothing has come to mind. Thanks for letting me know that I'm not the only one who feels this way!
M and C
I watch all the sporting events he's interested in unless I have something important to do.
I let him have a band room in the house!
I cook him dinner about 4 or 5 times a week.
I do all the food shopping because I know he hates it.
MayLove
Hmm, unselfish wifey things… well I'd have to copy the others a bit; bathrooms, cooking, video game time, buying snacks/cereal he likes. Gotta come up with a new one… I don't know if it counts, but I always ask him what he wants to have for dinner. I want him to have something he wants and will enjoy. Even though he always compliments whatever I've made I really want to be able to make something he wants. I rarely get an answer, but I always ask.
D.
This was a great post – thank you for sharing. I guess my unselfish thing is working full-time in a frustrating job to pay for the mortgage, childcare and so he can go to grad school full-time.
Cathleya
I ask him if he wants a drink/a refill on whatever he's drinking pretty often. I don't know why I feel like this is the most unselfish act ever but I always feel like, "I am such a good wife" afterwards. Maybe because it puts me in a directly "servant" position, you know? I mean I cook every day but he cleans up after me every day, so that makes us "equal". I like to think that a lot of the chores we do "even out" so things like straight up getting him drinks feels more selfless than normal cooking and cleaning. 🙂
Great post!
Katie
This is a great post!
I also scratch E's back every day. He LOVES it. It's sometimes the best thing to do when we're having an "off" day.
I also put away all our clothes at the end of the day, and fold all his laundry (he washes it himself) because if I didn't, he would pile he drawers with unfolded laundry, or worse yet, leave clean laundry unfolded in the basket.
I also cook dinner 4-5 nights a week for us.
But I still think he's probably a better husband than I am a wife. He does ALL the dishes except for handwashing drink glasses, and he takes care of the garbage, lawn and floors in the house.
There is a lot more I can do (that he asks me to do), but we're both still working on a balance of helping each other/serving each other.
Kim
This is a great post. I think it is human nature to focus on the ways we don't live up to our own expectations of the roles we take, rather than to take note of what we do well. I too need to make a conscious effort to do the latter. Thanks for the reminder!
My husband has doggy duty in the mornings, but when I know he was up late, or tossing and turning in the night, I'll get up early to take our pup to the park for her walk. He always scolds me for doing "his job," but I know he really appreciates the few extra winks he gets. We're pretty good about sharing chores around the house, but I always do his laundry. He hates doing it, but to be honest, it isn't a completely unselfish act. I take folding everything neatly very seriously and it physically pains me to see how he sloppily "folds" his things. I know, I'm nuts.
Oh, and to reassure you of this, you really do deserve that medal. I too like me nails pretty short and it would drive me bananas to leave them even a bit longer. I couldn't do it, even for my dear, sweet husband.
-J.Darling
Since I've been dating a single parent (who, for most the relationship, has lacked a car and a job) I have always helped out with the kids and transportation. Even when I couldn't really afford it. I did it without question. A child needed something, so I was there.
Now, the kids are older and my relationship with their dad has become more and more distant, but it's nice to know that they'll always remember me as someone who was there for them with broken arms, surgeries, road trips, and special occasions.
michelle @ blissful musings
I love this post! Mark also LOVES back scratches. So I scratch his back. Other little things…Make sure he has his favorite snacks that I have dubbed "Marky Snacks." Watch the shows he loves on Discovery Channel just so he has company. Make dinner a few nights a week.
Becs
Hmm, let's see. Ok, my husband is pursuing his master's degree and most nights is swamped with homework. So to help him out I do all the housework, take care of the dogs, cook AND clean up after dinner for him.
And back scratches every day? You are amazing!
honey my heart
this post makes me smile and the comments are quite great as well. for my husband i: take out the trash & recycling, save half of my dinner when we go out to eat so he can have lunch the next day 🙂
keep up the great posting.
Stephanie
I clean up the dog poop from the backyard so he won't step in it when he mows the lawn 🙂
I think that deserves a pretty good pat on the back. 🙂
Mo
I love this Carly! I totally agree and think we need to pat ourselves on the back once in a while. 🙂
I always feel like I do a lot but now I can't think of much, ha! Let's see…I always end up waiting for him, I put up with really boring academic social functions, I moved, I quit my job because I moved, I am always the designated driver…wow, can I marry myself?? 😉
Creature Gorgeous
Aw, I especially love your hanging up his clothes. I'm not sure why…I just imagining you sighing and meticulously clipping his trousers on to pant hangers while thinking "I love my little pants dropper." 🙂
Anyhoo, I make G's lunch everyday. He cleans up after me. I think that's a good deal.
Krista
You do deserve a medal!
Wade's very neat, so compared to him, I'm a slob. (I'm not a slob. It's just he's a neat freak.) Because he's so neat, anything I do just pales in comparison to him. Grr!
Oh, and Wade does the laundry. And vacuums. And mows our massive lawn (almost an acre, but we have a riding lawn mower). My job is to "deal with the chemicals", which means I do any cleaning that requires cleaning chemicals.
So in other words, I suck.