And I am considered “receptive”.
When I read the word “receptive” in the email from my doctor’s office, my heart sank a little. There aren’t necessarily any bad results when it comes to an ERA. It simply provides you with more information for your upcoming embryo transfer.
I also had a test for endometritis (taken at the same time as the ERA) which is chronic inflammation of the lining of the uterus. That result came back negative. If the result was positive, I would have been treated with a round of antibiotics before the transfer.
Going back to the ERA results, “receptive” means that we are transferring at the optimal time for implantation. It means that we don’t need to change anything in terms of progesterone supplementation. It also means that our protocol for our last cycle in 2017 was the right protocol. In other words, it gives us zero answers as to why 2017 didn’t work. We did everything by the book in 2017 and it still wasn’t enough to get our little embryo to stick.
It makes me nervous that the same thing could happen again.
Getting the ERA results immediately brought me back to our last cycle. I thought of that embryo. There were so many hopes and dreams wrapped up in that teeny tiny embryo. It was a girl. She was already so loved, and I feel like, in a small way, I am mourning that loss all over again.
IVF brings up a lot of feelings, especially when you’ve gone through so many cycles. You forget parts of the story. Then they come back to you again. I am dealing with some unresolved grief and it’s been difficult to handle. I am also simultaneously weaning off of my anti-anxiety medication, Lexapro. So I can’t help but feel like I am in a bit of a free fall at times.
I am still hopeful for our upcoming transfer. It has taken us SO long to get to this point, and I am ready.