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Infertility sucks. Yes, we also all know that. Some moments over the past few weeks have been so serious, and so dark, that I literally need a giggle. I need to laugh at something or with someone to break up all the tension. Maybe I should squeak out a fart during one of my ultrasounds? Too much?
I’ve been researching specialists lately, because I’m not sure about the doctor we are currently seeing. His online reviews (which I just recently discovered) are so odd. This guy is a one man shit show. A reviewer said she asked him about pricing, and he said anyone that needs to ask about prices should go elsewhere.
That’s not nice nor is it funny, Dr. DICK.*
Another reviewer said she brought medical files into her consultation, and he suggested perhaps she go on OCD medication, because apparently her files were overly organized.
Ok, stop the presses.
Could it be? Dr. Dick tried to make a funny and failed miserably? That in itself makes me laugh. Maybe I’ve just seen too many Judd Apatow movies, but come on. He’s ruthless! She comes in to talk about her dysfunctional left ovary, and he’s cracking OCD jokes. OMG.
I’m not completely relying on random online reviews. I have my own thoughts on the situation after having talked to Dr. Dick a couple of times. Here’s how I see it. This is the person that we are entrusting to help us with one of the most important projects of our lives. The fact that his ridiculously inflated egotistical personality is like a highlight reel of all of the guys I dated in high school is probably not a good sign. That’s my gut talking, and I’ve got to listen.
So I’ve got my research cap on, and I’m looking at other options.
I sat down in front of my laptop, and one of the first names that popped up in my search was a reproductive endocrinologist who specializes in vaginitis. WTF is vaginitis? I googled.
She’s an expert in itchy vaginas.
-J.Darling
It sounds like you're finding your feet and a very healthy way of dealing with it! Humor is a HUGE help! I remember some of the most challenging things in my life I couldn't have gotten through if I didn't have the capability to laugh at SOMETHING every day. My dog is a HUGE source of laughter for me! 🙂 I know yours are for you too!
Since I work with physicians, I can tell you that, like another other day to day job, it's VERY easy to forget that you're there to help people. Some doctors have a great, sympathetic bedside manner. Others may be excellent physicians, but aren't good with people, or have grown a bit cynical over the years. Then again, there are those that are BAD all around!
One word of caution regarding online reviews: Usually the people who leave reviews are inspired to due to their negative experiences. People that are happy and content with their services usually don't bother posting a review (unless it was really stellar). So just consider the source. Sounds like you have your own negative experiences to go off of here too though!
A word about pricing: While there are NO LAWS protecting cash paying patients from being overcharged for Medical Services, you do have some haggling room. That's why people hire someone like me. I go in, audit the physician's medical record, compare what he's charging you for his services vs what he would get paid through a standard government agency, and that can sometimes give you room to argue. More often than not, in my 10+ years of coding, physicians OVERVALUE the work they have done, or they forget to write down what they did. In the medical world, "Not Documented= Not Done" or "Not properly documented = Not a billable service." If you're concerned about anything, I'm happy to look over something for you guys, but I understand it's personal too. So I know you have my email if you need confirmation that you're being billed appropriately. Don't worry – I'm free to you guys.
From one gal, limping along w/ one ovary and PCOS, to another dealing with the challenges of infertility – hang in there!
Sean and I still have the "what if we can't get pregnant talk" since pulling the goalie is about a year away. He's settled on adopting. I feel so lucky to have a guy in my life that "gets it". Families are made up of people we choose to love – not just people who look like us. It's tough in a culture that still gives us the stereotype that women are "broken" if they can't have bio kids. The human body is still such a mystery. We are still "practicing" medicine for a reason.
Michelle
Trust your gut, Carly. I went through a similar experience on my lupie journey and looking back wished I had spoken up more and made changes sooner.
You said it best – this is who you are entrusting with one of the biggest and most important projects you will ever take on. If you are having doubts (and other, independent ppl are confirming these suspicions) you are so smart for looking elsewhere.
Much love ♥
Try Anything Once Terri
Finding a good doctor is sooo hard. I totally understand. I just found a gynecologist that I think is okay. It took me a couple of year to finally have the courage to go back to one since I had had such a negative experience with another. Beside manner is not many doctor's strong suit, which is a total shame.
Sugar
Carly, I'd be happy to ask my SIL about her fertility specialist. She went to two in LA- one that was good for women who couldn't get pregnant, and one that was good for women who had a hard time staying pregnant. Now (for a somewhat healthy price tag) she has a gorgeously baby girl!! Plus, she swears by her acupuncturist.
sillie smile
it sounds like you're in LA, in the westside? anyway- let me know if you want my SIL's dr, as well. she tried for 5 years (while living up north) and then got prego down here. also, there's an accupuncturist, VERY good, i saw her too. catherine Hu? i think that's how you spell her name. she's in santa monica. she specializes in fertility
my email is [email protected] if you want a couple of names, i can send them to you. 🙂 then you can google those names and make your own judgements! you're about to drop a lot of money… you really should go to someone you love, and has a good success rate. mostly, that will explain things to you and match your style of comfort.
either way, good luck!
Chic 'n Cheap Living
Laughter is always, always needed! Ehh this guy doesn't sound right and I'm glad you're looking into other options. My best frien has been on this journey for a few years and while my thoughts are there, a really good doctor definitely makes the journey easier!
Woman Warrior
OMG he did NOT say that. He sounds like my surgeon who we fired as soon as he told me "Well, endometriosis hurts. What can I tell you?" I totally support you losing the RE!
I'm really glad you're also trying to find the humor in all of this. Sometimes that's all we can do and I applaud you for taking a step back and looking at the lunacy of this whole process sometimes.
Always here for you! *hugs*
honey my heart
i don't know any specialist, but am sending you good thoughts and prayers that your research brings someone great.
thelessthandomesticgoddess
@J. Darling: Thank you for your input re: physicians, pricing, etc.! I definitely appreciate your perspective. I know you and your Sailor will figure out what works best for both of you when it comes to family planning. I haven't discussed my thoughts on adoption on the blog at all, but it is something that I (we) have considered and it will continue to be part of our family planning discussions. I think everyone views these matters differently, which is okay, because there is no right or wrong way to have a family. Family = love, and that comes in all shapes, sizes, biological, adopted, etc.
@Michelle: Thanks, M! Love you, girl.
@Try Anything Once Terri: You are so right re: bedside manner! I think some doctors are just so super smart that they don't know how to interact normally with the rest of society. Others are just assholes. 😉
@Sugar: I'd love some names! Send 'em my way! And thank you so much 🙂
@sillie smile: Thank you – I'll email you! 🙂
@Chic 'n Cheap Living: Thanks, friend. It helps to have support in this decision! xo
@Woman Warrior: Oh, I totally remember your horrible experience with your surgeon! Yuck. What is wrong with these doctors?!
@honey my heart: Thank you, J. Your thoughts and prayers are so very much appreciated!