This post is about married men who look at other women.
As a teenager and early twenty-something I used to think it was amusing when older married guys stared at me when out with their wives. Now, I’m on the other side of that conversation, because I’m the wife. Somehow, it isn’t as entertaining from this side.
To be fair, my husband doesn’t look at other women constantly. However, I do catch him taking a sneak peek every now and then. I have toned down my reactions to this behavior significantly. When we first started dating, I would get really pissed off. One time I straight up asked L, “What the hell were you just looking at?” He denied any wrongdoing, and claimed he was simply “people watching”.
Yeah, people watching, my ass.
I got really offended and made it all about me. I went on a tirade about how he should be paying more attention to ME, and that if I was that boring to him, we should just forget about any hope for a future. Blah blah blah.
But here we are today, and I married the guy. So I guess we found a way to work things out. Either that, or I’m a glutton for punishment.
Seriously though, unless your boyfriend/husband is asexual, he probably looks at other women. If you’re like, “No way! Not my man!” Maybe he does it when you’re not around?
These days I’m really good at being aloof. In all honesty, it doesn’t really bother me as much anymore unless I am majorly PMS-ing. I might bitch him out if it’s blatant, but L is a sly cat. He has perfected the “side glance” where he can look without moving his head. Ten points for effort, buddy.
A couple of times on principle alone I have asked to know why he would pay any attention to women who are begging to be stared at. (You all know the type.) It annoys me because I don’t think he should give them the satisfaction. Have some pride in yourself, jeez.
Do you ever catch your spouse sneaking a peek? Do you get jealous or care? Have you perfected the role of the aloof wife?
P.S. Yes, I know women sneak peeks, too.
Naomi
I am ok with the glances. If the glance turns long then I have issues. I'm a female glancer who catches a peek at a guy here or there as well. We are both confident in our relationship and don't have major issues with that.
Peggy
The glances don't bother me because…Well, I don't care too much. I tend to glance at other women, too, because I'm so self-conscious about my flat ass that when I see a woman with a great one, I nudge the hubs and whisper, "Did you SEE her ass? She's so lucky!" Meanwhile, he thinks it's a trap and stammers, "No, no, I have no idea what you're talking about." It's funny to me. He doesn't outright gawk and if he can steal a glance without my noticing then…Good for him! :o)
Cathleya
I think discretion is key. I can't remember a particular instance when I caught my husband looking at another woman but I would DEFINITELY be jealous. I'm not dumb in thinking he doesn't do it but he's a pretty discreet guy about most things in life, so I think when he sneaks peeks I don't really notice. I mean I'm going to be honest, if I say a celebrity is beautiful and he agrees with me, I get a twinge of jealousy. And I started the convo! I'm just a really jealous person. Ahh well. Bless my husband for his discretion. 🙂
Rizza
my boyfriend looks at other women too. he's not too sly about it either. haha! sometimes when a really pretty girl is walking by us i look at him just to see his reaction. it doesn't bother me that much, but at times i do get jealous. the funny thing is i know i check out other women too.
-J.Darling
This used to REALLY bug me – but then, I figured it out.
And my parents, married nearly 40 years, are my perfect example…
My mom used to say, "I'm married, not dead," when she'd see some cute guy on TV, but she's completely faithful to my dad. My dad never really said anything, just kinda smirked or rolled his eyes, or teased my mom about it. For example, my mom never missed an episode of Jag. Whenever it came on TV, my dad would say something like, "Time to watch Studd muffy!" So Jag was nicknamed "Studd Muffy" around my house.
And I figured out why.
See, my parents trust each other. Mom knows that dad has looked at other women. She's looked at other men. But what I learned is that marriage is all about a series of choices. Granted, it took me getting divorced (from an adulterous husband) to develop this mentality:
"I trust that you are with me because you want to be. You are here because you choose to be. You are here because I have something to offer you that is unique from anyone else. If you want to go, go. The windows and doors are open. You are here because you choose to be. In trusting you, I trust your judgement and your choice to be here. I am here because I choose to be as well."
No one likes to be told what they "can" and "can't" do – especially by someone close like their spouse. However, discretion is the better part of valor. As long as there is open communication and some measure of discretion so it's not disrespectful, I'm fine w/ it.
Now flirting w/ said girl gets a quick kick to the shins under the table. 😉
Creature Gorgeous
Yes, of course he looks or has looked before. And like you, in the beginning, I threw hissy fits. Well, not so much hissy fits as downright nasty, scathing soul-crushing over-intellectualized commentary about guys who look and the ladies that beg to be looked at. It was not pretty, I sheepishly admit now. Now, I'm too tired to care, and am aloof. I find that by not getting worked up, I forget about it and it wasn't that big of a deal in the first place. And I agree with J. Darling, no one likes to be told what to do. He's been jealous over something I've said or done before, and from other side, it's not very comfortable. So, I let it go. And, again, like J. Darling said, but if it's flirting, that's another story, and I think it might involve a hate smile. Sigh.
Geek in Heels
To be completely honest I have never caught my husband looking at other women. I mean, I know that he does but I guess he's good at being discrete about it? If anything I check out other women MUCH more than him and I'm usually the one who encourages him to check out especially hot women. On the flipside, I hardly ever check out other guys either and we have never gotten upset with each other for checking out other people. Maybe we're just weird.
Linda
Usually hubby will tell me why a woman caught his attention (nice rack, pretty eyes, interesting clothing). Then he wants me to look too so I can either confirm yes she has nice eyes or it's time for your eye exam. I'm never gotten jealous when he looks at these women. We're human and we all look. He likes to tease me about drooling over guys (yeah right!).
Anonymous
Perfect post, my hubby snuck 2 peaks today and I was about to mention it, and does he like her butt better or her hair etc… I only feel bad when I am not on the top of my game. I needed to hear the 'forget about it' and let it go as who wants to be grilled, certainly not me when I sneak a peak or even a smile when a guy pays me the compliment with his eyes and/or smile. My husband treats me wonderful and I would know if he was cheating on me as my first husband did cheat and I knew pretty quickly he had more intentions than a peak. He more than snuck peaks. He actually collected phone numbers on restaurant receipts from waitresses when we were out for dinner together! So thanks to you smart women, and I'll just forget about it and put on something sexy tonight!