I have been wanting to write a post about wedding anxiety for awhile now, but as I was going through it, I couldn’t find the words to describe it. Now that I am a newlywed, my thoughts seem to be flowing much more easily. So here goes…
Keeping busy with wedding tasks helped distract me from the fact that I was scared sh*tless of my wedding day. Not about the marriage and “happily ever after” part (because I knew I wanted to marry Mr. G), but the actual wedding part. Being the center of attention is never my style, and having 250 people staring at me was a daunting thought. I put on a calm face to the outside world, but inside, I was a panicking, nervous wreck. Ahhh, it feels so good to finally admit that.
I’m not usually a very nervous or high strung person. I swear, I’m not. However, planning for months on end for one big day is a lot of pressure. My mind was constantly racing. I second guessed many decisions I made. I obsessed over outlandish things like if I would faint or vomit while walking down the aisle. My stomach hurt constantly. One evening, I wondered if I was giving myself an ulcer. Then I googled “stomach ulcers” and spent the rest of the night worrying that my worrying was giving me an ulcer. I guess you could say I had issues.
Two weeks before the wedding, I couldn’t sleep most nights. I would wake up with my heart racing. I wasn’t eating normally. Food was not appetizing (which really depressed me!). I tried to relax my body, but my mind would not stop going! I had given the wedding so much power. Now when I look back on it, I gave it way too much power. I don’t know how I could have remedied the situation or calmed myself down. However, I do know that this was a process I was supposed to be enjoying. Instead, I was making myself miserable.
The day of the wedding I woke up and was still stressed out. However, slowly but surely, everything came together (just like everyone said it would). I found that people are so kind and accommodating toward you on your wedding day. Being the center of attention wasn’t a negative thing, because everyone is looking at you with happiness and love. I never felt judged or awkward (like I imagined I would). The wedding wasn’t perfect. A number of details fell through. But, all of the special moments melted into one fabulous day that I will remember always. I was finally free to relax and enjoy myself.
I let my wedding anxiety get the best of me at times. But rather than look back on it regretfully, I am trying to let it go and allow myself to settle back into my pre-wedding life. Except now I am officially a “wife”…and newlywed bliss feels so good!
Did you suffer or are you suffering from wedding anxiety? How did you cope with it? Or how are you coping with it?
-J.Darling
I enjoy planning A LOT, so it was a joy for me to plan my wedding, though yes, I stressed about some details. But what really helped me keep my head on straight was keeping in the forefront of my mind why I was planning a wedding in the first place. In my mind, people were coming to my wedding because they wanted to see and support me (and my then-husband) in our future.
Why was I getting married?
What is the only TRUE FIASCO that could RUIN the day?
The only thing I could think of was him getting cold feet or me getting cold feet and getting stood up at the alter.
Everything else we would eventually laugh about.
I think my mom was more of a stress case than I was. So when the photographer was 2 hours late showing up and we weren't sure he'd make the ceremony (there was no way I was postponing my wedding because he was a dumbarse) everyone was afraid to tell me. When someone finally DID tell me what was going on, I wasn't bridezilla. I just asked the limo driver to drive to the local 7/11 and clean out the store w/ disposable cameras and hand them out to folks at the wedding.
When my cake topper turned out to be too heavy for my cake and I found it topped w/ flowers instead, I was a bit disappointed, but by then, I'd already done what I came to do (gotten married) and the cake is just a cake. All people are going to do is eat it anyway. The cake topper was used as a decoration on the table, so it worked out anyway. 🙂
I think that may be my best peice of advice to brides. Sure, you want to throw the party of the century, but keep in mind that you'll be looking into the eyes of man you love and pledging your undying love and devotion to one another. That's really the whole point of the party anyway. 😉 If you can get THAT right, everything else will work itself out. 😉
Krista
I am not surprised you were nervous, but I'm surprised at HOW nervous you were. You poor thing! I'm sorry you couldn't sleep or eat. 🙁
I enjoy being the centre of attention. It doesn't bother me. And I loved it even more on my wedding day when (as you pointed out) everyone's eyes were filled with love and happiness.
And you're okay now. Don't agonize with how stressed you were. Let it go and enjoy the memories!
maidentomarried
I love that you brought this up and wrote about all that you went through. I'm a bridal coach (I work with brides and newlyweds on the emotional and psychological transition from being single to being a wife), and this is common. So, you are not alone! I got married a little over a year ago and, although, I have NO problem being the center of attention, I imagined repeatedly that I would pass out or throw up while walking down the aisle. Not only is this a MAJOR transition in life, you're in front of all these people being VULNERABLE, you have all these people watching in what is a very private moment. For someone who doesn't like to be in front of people ANYWAY (giving a business talk, for example), I can only imagine how overwhelmed you felt about this – one of the most personal and pivotal moments of your life.
I think the conculsions you came to are just beautiful. Beauty can come in all kinds of forms and you certainly opened your eyes to it. Congratulations on your marriage. I will certainly be sharing your story with some of my clients.
Lauren
Hey thank you for your words… its helping me to explain why I *need* to have a private ceremony to my FH. I agree with you about not liking being the center of attention, and also agree with maidentomarried about how this is a very private moment.