We are nearly two months away from the wedding. As I’ve said many, many times…there’s a lot to do. I am hoping to keep myself so “busy” that I forget to remember that I won’t have a bridal shower.
Several months ago, my lovely maid of honor, N, asked me if I wanted a bridal shower and even offered to fly to California and host one for me. So sweet! I told her I’d get back to her about it, and left it at that. I procrastinated for weeks, and let a lot of time pass before telling her that the answer was, “No, I won’t be having a shower.” Of course, I thanked her profusely for her kind gesture. She touched my heart with her offer.
I won’t go into too much detail about the reasons behind not having a shower. But I will say that one of the big reasons was that my side of the family is small and hasn’t always been the picture of perfection. Some people haven’t seen or spoken to one another in years. Awkward. I am mostly okay with my decision to skip the shower, but at times, it hits me and I feel like I am missing out. I also can’t pretend that it doesn’t bother me that no one (meaning my family or Mr. G’s family) seems to care. It’s not like anyone is sitting around wondering if or when I will have a bridal shower. I haven’t gotten one inquiry from the people I hoped would care the most.
Ok, before the pity party gets out of control, I’ll stop. I just wanted to write this post to reach out to any of you who are mad, sad, embarrassed, etc. that certain traditional wedding events won’t be happening for you. Whether its the shower, the bachelorette party, the honeymoon, or anything in between – just know that not everyone celebrates a whole slew of events in their honor…for whatever reason. You’re not alone!!! (This is in no way meant to put down the lovely brides who have events hosted in their honor. Please feel lucky and loved!)
Feel free to vent in the comments or write something positive that has happened to you as a result of not following certain traditions. I would love to read your experiences.
Blablover5
I wound up having two showers which I pretty much attended for the person throwing it, I had little to nothing to do with said shower myself. The first was a 16 hour round drive at a fancy resturant with fairly lousy food and just far too frou frou.
The other was my side of the family that is a lot like yours, small and frankly they don’t get along. In the end 3 people showed up. It was so sad we all had a bit too much wine and got a tad loopy.
I understand feeling like you’re missing out on something, we didn’t do a lot of stuff everyone else seems to think is the norm like an engagement party, engagement pictures, or Save the Dates. But really just doing it because everyone else does is probably going to be a bigger headache than just skipping something.
Jenny
Well, I hate to say it, but this sort of made me feel better. I guess misery DOES love company.
No, really, thanks for this post. I know no bride’s engagement goes perfectly but mine has been utterly dull. I never dreamed of anything fancy, but my groomzilla keeps choosing EVERYTHING without my consent. Including the officiant! Not to mention that I am fairly far from everyone in my wedding party, which means no parties, showers, etc.
I was hoping to do something fun to celebrate 2 nights before my wedding, but alas… everyone is coming late the night before. I got yelled at for being selfish and expecting too much. Silly me. I never hope for anything anymore.
I’m just doing my best to enjoy it. 🙂 Good luck to you, I know its tough and I’m sure you feel as lonely as I do at times. Deep down, though, I know I’m VERY lucky and my wedding will be amazing. That is what matters most to me. 🙂
-J.Darling
When I was getting married (almost 10 years ago now), I didn’t have very many female friends, so I had to kinda scrounge for attendants. My maid of honor was out of state and simply couldn’t afford the offer that yours made. Besides, I didn’t know anyone to invite really anyway.
Well, my mom decided to take matters into her own hands. The weekend before the wedding, she threw a shower for me at her house! I was flattered by the attention, but it felt REALLY awkward, since all of the attendees were pretty much people she worked with. Ouch… I mean, they all know me and like me, but come on! Am I really THAT pathetic?
But they did try to make it nice for me, so I appreciated the effort.(Though I think it was a little more for her than for me.)
This you’ll LOVE – my bachelorette party? Well, it was right after the shower ended. Literally. Both of my girls were in town so they said “We can do whatever you want tonight.” Not being a big club person, I treated them to some Mexican Hot chocolate at my favorite coffee house, and then we saw a late showing of the first Harry Potter movie. And then I drove them back to their cars because they were wiped out.
If you really WANT a shower, there’s still time, but I’m hearing from your post that you don’t really want one. You’re just afraid that you’ll be missing out.
Maybe make a “girl’s day” instead, just before the wedding? Call it a bachelorette day or something and go get pedicures with those members of your family and your party that really mean something to you?
In my “unmarried” gal boat that I’m in now, I honestly find it awkward to attend a shower where the bride and groom are already living together. It kinda feels like a ploy for more presents and what do they need those for? Afterall, they live together already. I guess I always thought that showers were for those much needed things before you move in together. But then again – I’ll admit to being Old School about that point of view!
I think as long as you make time to spend with those you love, you’ll be just fine (and won’t have to deal with the “planning a shower” stress on TOP of everything else). 😉
AmyJean
Girl… I think that you need to grab two close friends and have your “shower” it doesn’t have to be traditional and it doesn’t have to be extensive, but you need to celebrate you… b/c you deserve it! If i was in LA, i’d take you out STAT!
RelentlessBride
blushingjoy
The wedding’s a long way away but I’ve kinda decided that I won’t be having a hen’s night. I always thought a bridal shower and a hen’s night was the same thing. I didn’t know that there is something for the relatives too but mine is pretty much like yours so it’s probably good that I didn’t know anything about a shower.
My closest girlfriends are all overseas so I don’t really see a point in having a hen’s night just for the sake of it. I would love to have a quiet hen’s night like J.Darling when they come over for the wedding though. A quiet night in catching up and having hot chocolate in a cute café sounds utterly perfect.
I understand what you mean by feeling like you might be missing out on the experience coz that has entered my mind sooo many times. But I’ve chosen to enjoy the other positive of planning the wedding and not dwell on anything I can’t change. Hopefully this feeling will stay. 🙂