While I am on the subject of rings and wearing them or not, I thought I would write about one related subject that was on my mind.
Mr. G and I have friends who got married a few years ago. A couple of months after they got hitched, her new husband stopped wearing his ring. First, he said it didn’t fit properly. So she offered to have it re-sized. Then, he said he’s just not the jewelry/ring wearing type of guy. So now he goes everywhere – without it. He never wears his wedding band.
I know I just wrote a post about my ring and not wanting to feel dependent on wearing it. I proclaimed that I want to be able to walk into a room, and feel the same way, regardless of whether I have my ring on or not.
But what if your man wants to go sans ring? What then? Does he not want to feel dependent on his ring either? Is he not a “jewelry person”? Does he want to appear single? All of these questions, I would think, would be common reactions for a woman whose man decides he doesn’t want to wear his wedding band.
My dad doesn’t wear his wedding band. Several years after my parents were married, he claimed he gained weight and that it was uncomfortable for him to wear it. Mr. G’s dad doesn’t wear his wedding band. He never did. Mr. G said that many Korean men of the older generation don’t wear wedding rings. I asked him if that was also the case with older Korean women? He said, no. Well then, why don’t the men wear theirs? I thought that was interesting.
The difference between what I was trying to say in my last post and this one is that my issues have nothing to do with wanting to walk around without a ring on. It is about differentiating between how I feel with and without my ring. These men are choosing *not* to wear their rings at all. I don’t think it is an identity issue as much as maybe an issue of comfort or aesthetics? Or is it more?
What would you do if your fiance or husband didn’t want to wear his ring?
Cyd
M is wearing his ring, period the end. Call me crazy, but to me it is nonnegotiable. Sure, there might be more important things in life, but I do truly believe that if you’ve chosen to exchange rings as a part of your vows, those rings should be worn. You’ve got to pick your battles in life, but this is one I would pick.
Pasifik
I think it is more than identity issue. First time I wear wedding ring its kind of weird. and during next couples months or so I still wearing my ring. But then I decided to not wear my ring. My wife asking me and I explained it to her that I felt uncomfortable with it. She understood and she still wear her ring even though I didn’t.
The next 2 months, I wear my ring again. I feel guilty not only to my wife but also to my self. It’s kind of moral obligation for me. You have come to your life and decided to marry with someone you love and the ring is a symbol of your love, your commitment, your passion and your dignity that your spouse deserve to receive it.
Celtics|Diamond|Wedding Rings
-J.Darling
I guess it all comes down to how much value you place on symbolism, and if your heart is in the right place. It’s a “symbol of your love and commitment to one another”. As a single gal, when I meet a guy, the first thing I look at is his left hand. If he’s not wearing a ring that means (in this society) he’s fair game. And if he tells me he is married, it sends the message to me (a single woman) that he isn’t REALLY that committed. That’s been proven true by a couple of men I’ve known in my life.
It may be a societial stereo type, however, as a single gal, if a man isn’t wearing his ring, it tells me his marriage isn’t important enough to him to be proud of it.
Just my 2 cents!
I’ve enjoyed stumbling over your blog!
thelessthandomesticgoddess
@Pasifik: Thank you for commenting! I have enjoyed reading your male perspective. I like what you said about the ring being a symbol of your commitment to your wife. I couldn’t agree more.
@J. Darling: Thank you for stopping by my blog! I am intrigued by the single gal’s take on this subject. Let me explain – I started dating my fiance when I just turned 22. 22 year old women don’t normally know many married men. So I never really got to the age where I dated men who may or may not be married. I never thought about rings in that context. But now that I am on the verge of marriage and I have friends who are taking the plunge, I am thinking about it more. I think your honesty is refreshing. And I agree with you about men and their rings. Often times, it is a bit fishy when they don’t want to wear it. You’ve gotta trust your man, of course. And I guess only time will tell, in some cases. Again, thanks for your opinion on this!
-J.Darling
Thanks! It’s great that you’re exploring this before you get hitched and before it sends the wrong message or hurts anyone’s feelings.
I’ve always felt that if someone really wants to be with you, wild horses couldn’t tear them away, but if someone doesn’t want to be with you, a peice of jewlery won’t stop them from leaving. So maybe take some private time and decide what that ring means to you?
As long as your honest with yourself about why you don’t want to wear your ring all the time, that’s fine. If it’s a HUGE peice of bling that gets caught on everything, maybe you could compromise and save it for special occasions, but wear a wedding band on a daily basis -something that says “I’m married to the man of my dreams!” and keeps the wolves (single guys) from getting any ideas other than the “friends” level.
Generally, I’ve noticed that other people will treat your marriage with the same deference that you treat it with every day. While being a married woman doesn’t define who you are, it is a big chunk of who you are. And if you’re proud of it, why not show it off? 😉
Peacocks and Pearls
I agree with Cyd. I have previous experience of a man who chose to take his ring off from time to time,always placing it on the fireplace in the same place. Sometimes it would be there for months other times only weeks. It taunted me , glared at me and made me pray for a better life. This I now have and am to be married again to a man I know will never remove it; well except if he takes up diving !