L and I are back from our 1.5 day getaway to Palm Springs. While I am happy to report that the trip was a nice (but short) one, I am not so excited to report that L and I had a huge blow-out with his parents on New Year’s Day.
I’m not really one to “rant” much on my blog, and I’d rather not really get into details. However, I’m just really bummed out. As far as I know, we have done everything to try and please L’s parents and (I hate to say it), but I’ve never really felt the love from them. In fact, after this New Year’s Day debacle, the vibe I get from them is more towards dislike than anything else. The situation was even more sad to me because it was one of the most negative ways I can think of to welcome a new year.
I know that marriage is the union between two people. Those two people have to work to sustain a loving relationship and find happiness both individually and within each other. However, for most of us, marriage is also about family. Accepting, loving, and sometimes tolerating a group of people that are not your blood. However close or not-so-close you are to these people, they instantly become your family when you pledge those vows of marriage to your significant other. For me, I am marrying into a situation that comes with a lot of baggage. L’s mother has control issues and I am like a late comer who showed up to a party without R.S.V.P.-ing. I feel out of place, uncomfortable, and guilty about sticky situations that happened before I arrived on the scene.
I am pretty sure that what we are experiencing now, and the negative feelings associated with the new year’s fight will pass. However, I have to keep the faith that we can all learn to get along with each other. I have to keep the faith that I will have the strength to face future unrest. I have to trust that L will be by my side through thick and thin. And lastly, I have to have the faith that my future in-laws will learn to have confidence and trust in their son a bit more than they currently do.
So, even though it wasn’t the best way to spend New Year’s Day, I am always grateful for the blessings in my life and continue to look forward to a happier 2009.
{With that I end my little tantrum, thank you for reading my tale of woe, and vow to resume writing about wedding stuff as soon as possible!}
Krista
Oh … that sucks! I’m sorry to hear that. Some people have control issues, and it’s worse when it’s family.
As for “Accepting, loving, and sometimes tolerating a group of people that are not your blood.” … Well, I have to accept love and sometimes tolerate some people who are my blood! (Mostly my middle brother, and sometimes my dad.)
Krista
In response to your comment on my post about my cousin getting engaged:
It should be a pretty ring (and it should be large). My cousin has made a lot of money working in the middle east. So much that he is seriously considering semi-retirement next year. He’s 35. I’m so jealous.
Authentically U - Bride
There’s nothing wrong with adding a little spice to your blog amongst the colors, dresses, favors, and flowers. It’s surely a part of the wedding process.
And your right, keep the faith! Chile, that’s what it’s going to take to make it. This reminds me of that scripture that talks about a man leaving his father and mother to be loyal to his wife or something like that (I can’t remember the exact words but I’ll look it up). At any rate, what I’m trying to say is I’m sure your FH will be by your side and his family will have to come along for the ride or get left!! Keep the faith and I’ll keep you in my prayers.
Sarah
That sucks about the inlaws. The infamous “in-law” stereotypes seem to ring true all too often.
Broke-ass Bride
Oh, Carlita! I’m so sorry to hear it. What a bummer. Finding balance (and love) with in-laws is proving one of the hardest aspects of our impending marriage, and I’m so sad to hear you had a fight. Hopefully time will heal wounds and once you’re officially married they’ll come to their senses and support you both in your love. You’re a wonderful gal and any fella’s parents should be thrilled to have you in the family. Thanks for sharing, it helps us all in that boat feel less alone at sea….
AmyJean
I’m sorry to hear that, but i admire that you are willing to keep the faith and keep trying – that’s the main thing. Korean mothers can be somewhat controlling and have many expectations… but if you show effort, it’ll help ease things along ALOT …
good luck. I know you two will pull through! 🙂
RelentlessBride
AmyJean
PS. And i don’t mean to generalize “korean mothers” but i’m talking about my own experiences with “korean mothers”… which includes my own, and many many more 🙂 so its not meant to offend but simply projecting my own experience!
thelessthandomesticgoddess
Thank you all for your loving support! We’ve hit a rough patch, but it definitely helps me to know that my fellow bloggers care enough to offer their advice and well wishes. You all are so fabulous.
@AmyJean: You say “korean mothers”, I say, “I’m right there with ya, honey!” Thank you for your personal insight. It helps me!