Thank you all once again for your insights on my last post. Thank you for not making me feel crazy. Thank you for seeing it from both sides, and putting yourself in my shoes. I honestly could not make heads or tails of the situation, and your comments helped me a lot. I responded in the comments section with a bit of an update, and I’ll elaborate here.
L and I had a short conversation about what I had written on my blog. His immediate reaction was that he won’t go to the bar anymore. He was surprised that I was uncomfortable with the situation, but understood more clearly when I asked him how he would feel if I were carrying on a friendship like this. He wasn’t thrilled, but you know what? I haven’t been thrilled since he became a regular at that bar. So, I guess we are now equal in the not-so-thrilled department, no? (Clarification: He is allowed to go where he pleases including the bar. I’m not his parole officer. He just needs to be mindful of my feelings, and I prefer he goes when the other Carly is not around.)
I immediately felt sick, because I hate to be the bad guy. But, in the same vein, I don’t want to sit around stewing over things, being passive aggressive, and not speaking my mind. When we first got together, I think I was a lot more vocal about how I felt about mostly everything. Somewhere along the way, I’ve lost my voice. I know it’s because of my guilt. I feel guilty that I’m not healthy all the time. I feel guilty that I don’t want to go out as much as I used to. Guilty guilty guilty. But I don’t feel guilty enough to allow my husband to engage in a relationship that I’m not comfortable with. A girl’s got to draw the line somewhere, and I think I found a place to draw that line.