L and I are leaving for the beautiful East Coast soon! A dear friend is getting married, and it is also a great excuse to celebrate our SECOND wedding anniversary a bit early. Two years…what what! (Yea, I just said “what what” and raised the roof. Dork.) We are both really excited to see our friends, and also to have a few days to reunite with some old, familiar haunts. We really miss the East!
For the most part, I can’t wait to go, but, I’m also feeling some definite anxiety. When my physical health went downhill, my anxiety levels skyrocketed. I could barely function without feeling like I was gonna barf or pass out. I became overwhelmed so easily, and for the first time in my life, felt like I had OCD and agoraphobia and who knows what else. Me? OCD?! (The college-aged Carly laughs hysterically.) But it’s true. Everything in my life had to be as predictable as possible. I took comfort in the expected, and was terrified to step outside of my little world. Then I had a bit of a breakdown, but you already know that story.
An important thing I’ve learned about anxiety is that it doesn’t really go away. Sometimes you forget it’s there, but it never goes away. I have been so much better these days, but I still have setbacks. Lately, as the trip looms closer, I know I’ll have fun once I get there, but getting me there is like Mission Impossible. I’m like a stubborn poodle who knows she’s going to the vet and hides under the couch. Except, this is all supposed to be fun.
I’ve broken it down in my head, and I think the plane ride makes me the most anxious. I don’t mind shorter plane rides, but longer ones give me anxiety. This is laughable because I practically lived on planes at certain times in my life. In college, LAX to Hartford, CT was as second nature to me as brushing my teeth. Yet, here I am, suddenly scared of flying for absolutely no valid reason.
While I’m on this honesty kick, why not also share my irrational anxiety over leaving my dogs behind, too? I don’t enjoy leaving my dogs alone for the day, let alone several days. Arrangements have been made, and they will be well taken care of, but I’m still a total spaz about it. I have like 1,000 pictures and videos on my iPhone of my dogs.
I’m the crazy dog lady.