If you haven’t noticed already, I have been posting A LOT lately about emotional stuff/feelings. I don’t really remember the last time I posted pretty pictures of flowers, table linens, and sparkly things. This blog is in dire need of something fun and (a bit) frivolous!! I just wanted to thank you all for hangin’ tough with me through the “feelings” posts.

A little explanation:

I have been thinking a lot about what marriage will mean to me as an individual. What am I talking about? For me, it means that I take the sappy feelings I have for Lawrence, our future together, and my urge to merge every ounce of myself with him and I put it on a shelf for awhile. Then, I attempt to deal with the fact that my life and the way I’ve lived for the past 27 years will change. (Anyone who says things won’t change needs to get their head examined, no?) Of course there are so many good changes. I don’t need to list all of them. But, there are also other changes. They aren’t necessarily bad. They aren’t anything to be alarmed about. But there are things/feelings/mental states/situations that I want to be very aware of as I enter into this convenant of marriage that signifies a life of being together forever. I don’t want to end up feeling frustrated and trapped (to some extent) like my mom and my grandma. I want to occasionally still do things for myself (not for Lawrence, or “us’, just me). I want to remember who I am and who I was before I married Lawrence. I want to stay strong for myself. It isn’t always about “us” and these are things I have realized along the way. They are not bad thoughts. I have learned a lot from the women that have come before me. My mother. My grandmother. My great-grandmother. Their life experiences remind me that I don’t know everything at the tender age of 27. In the end, I have to do what is best for me, in my own situation, but their wisdom means more than I could ever express through words.

All of these thoughts and feelings have lived in my mind for awhile now. I write this because, as women, we have a natural tendency to “take care” of others: men, women, children, all of the above. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention to my readers, that with all of this wedding planning and the frenzy that accompanies it, there are many times that I have forgotten to take care of myself and my needs.

Don’t ever forget to take care of yourself first. Always. Make “you” a priority, because (as harsh as this may sound)…no one else will.

xoxo,

carly