We have entered the unpredictable waters of trying to conceive #2. Trying to conceive when you are infertile is possibly the least romantic endeavor imaginable. It isn’t the traditional love story, but it’s our love story – the love L and I have for each other, the love we have for our daughter, and the love we have for a future child.
That’s a lot of love.
I sound like a broken record, but for any new readers, here is our infertility track record. It took us five years to conceive our daughter and it finally happened after two rounds of IVF. Each IVF round, I produced several eggs and almost all of them fertilized. Yet, somehow by Day 5, most of our embryos had stopped growing and none were suitable to freeze. We put two blastocysts back in both cycles. The first cycle resulted in a big fat negative. The second cycle resulted in our daughter, K.
I really don’t know what to think as we embark on this journey for #2, but I want to be open and honest about it. I have some regret over how I shared (or didn’t share) news and updates after IVF #2. In my defense, I was in a very delicate state mentally. I am hoping not to burrow away this time, because I know how much it helps to read stories of infertility when you are going through it, too. I also know how invested you can become in other people’s stories even if you aren’t facing similar issues, and it’s tough when people share and then drop off. Writing about it helps me process it all as well. So, I’m going to try and be as transparent as possible.
Since last month’s hysteroscopy procedure, we have instructions to try naturally using a good ol’ ovulation kit and progesterone supplements. We will re-evaluate our situation in a few months if I don’t get pregnant. To some, it might seem foolish to try naturally given our history. If we spoke to any fertility doctor, they would probably remind us of our low probability of natural conception and encourage IVF again. While I know that is likely where we will end up, I want to give the natural way one last try.
By holding off on IVF, we are taking a chance because of my age (35 next month), and the possibility that my endometriosis and egg quality could be getting worse as time ticks on. Those thoughts definitely make me nervous. Some other challenges to natural conception with endometriosis may include: pain with sex and low libido. I don’t want to speak for all women with endometriosis, but I have heard stories about couples who don’t try naturally and go straight to fertility treatments because sex is so uncomfortable/painful. If you think about it, the pressure surrounding trying to conceive is really high when you factor in timing, high hopes, and tons of worries – and then when you consider that it might include pain – it doesn’t seem quite as fun and carefree as you wish it did. Your level of desire absolutely drops, which is counterproductive, because you want to feel in the mood.
It can be complicated and triggering and not very sexy. But, when I look at my family and I think about all that could be, I feel ready for the wild ride that lies ahead.
With that said, we’re off!