Here are more Lupron updates for anyone
that may be following along on this lovely, cracked out adventure.
Previous Lupron Depot Cracked Out Adventure Posts
At the four week mark (end of shot #1), I had an appointment with my doctor to determine my Lupron progress, if any. I walked into the office with a whole speech in my head about why I was apprehensive of shot #2. Once my doctor got in the room, I spoke up about my concerns and told him about my sudden nosedive from a fairly normal, stable person to an anxious troll who needed to go hyperventilate in the corner on a regular basis. He told me it was fairly normal to feel this way on Lupron. Huh? He said it so casually like, “Eh, mental breakdown? No biggie.”
This bothered me because he never mentioned major psychological changes or an increase in anxiety as side effects prior to starting the Lupron. I was told I would have some hot flashes and feel moody. But, I was experiencing a lot more than a few sweaty hormonal moments.
After discussing it further, we came to the conclusion that while Lupron can increase anxiety levels, I was feeling off the charts anxious most likely because I already had an existing anxiety problem. He told me I could go back on Paxil for awhile if it would help. Also, at my request, he gave me the name of a psychologist who specializes in infertility. After we talked, I felt a decent amount of relief that what I was experiencing wasn’t too far outside the norm of what Lupron does to you.
Then came time for the ultrasound.
From the looks of it, the Lupron helped in terms of quieting the endo down. Thank goodness! So basically with shot #1, the endo got a little drowsy. However, my doctor wanted the endo to be in full-on napping mode. He could still see some endo activity, so he ordered shot #2.
I had about three seconds to make a decision. I could stay an anxious troll for the next four weeks and put the endo to sleep; or put an end to this Lupron madness, but risk an endo flare that could compromise IVF 2.0. I decided to bend over and take shot #2 like a good girl. (That last sentence just sounds wrong.)
Weeks Three and Four: I wrote this note on my phone, “Week 3, Day 4 – throbbing headache, bad sleep, sluggish, anxious” I think that short note sums up my third week on Lupron. My last Lupron update also speaks to exactly how I felt during this time. I was paralyzed for two weeks. My anxiety made me so exhausted, but my brain wouldn’t stop spinning. Between the insomnia and the night sweats, I wasn’t getting much sleep. I could barely manage my routine schedule of work, home, eat, sleep, repeat. I lost my appetite (likely due to anxiety) and lost about five to eight pounds. Everything I read said I would gain weight. I am not saying this in a bragging way. I didn’t look nor feel healthy. To sum it up, weeks three and four were bad. Very bad.
Weeks Five and Six: Week five was the week following shot #2. Strangely, I felt better during week five. My anxiety went away! Such a relief. My hot flashes and night sweats remained about the same, but as long as my anxiety was under control, I was fine. I also got my appetite back. L and I even went out of town. That was huge given that I had spent the last two weekends basically in bed due to exhaustion and mind altering anxiety. Week six ushered in anxiety (again). Shit. I guess my time to feel normal was short lived. The hot flashes and night sweats increased tenfold. I have been waking up at least a few times a night burning up. I have to lay on the floor with my pillow in front of an open bedroom window to get some relief. Week six is on its way out, and I continue to feel exhausted, anxious, and a little crampy.
Medication: I am taking a low dose of klonopin when I need it. This was approved by my doctor.
Additional Notes: I imagine my uterus and ovaries in this epic battle with the Lupron. My body just wants to be active and grow endo all over the place, but the mighty Lupron is swooping in and shutting it all down. Running these images over and over in my head is not only mildly entertaining, but also helps me feel a little better when I want to just break down. I am also grateful that I will not be on Lupron during the summer months. It is already getting pretty warm here in L.A., and I honestly do not think I could handle 90 to 100 degree summer heat with hot flashes.
I have two more weeks with the Lupron Depot treatment, and then we will talk more about IVF 2.0.