So I got lost in the abyss of a Lupron-induced hallucination, and when I regained consciousness, I realized I was due for another birthday. Damn.
For some unknown reason, I was really excited to turn 31. I wasn’t a fan of 30, but 31…oh yeah…I was all about 31. I have no idea what my thirty second year has in store for me. I am kinda terrified while simultaneously feeling very excited.
It gets on my nerves when people try to tell others how to age. Whether we age gracefully or we act like blubbering babies at the arrival of yet another birthday, isn’t it our right to act however the hell we want? As long as we aren’t hurting anyone, who cares? I have found that I often have a wide range of emotions around my birthday. Sometimes I am happy, sometimes sad, sometimes grateful, sometimes depressed. I try not to get too down on myself when I feel anything less than elated about getting older.
We all know society is obsessed with youth and being young. Everything is so youth-driven. So, I guess it shouldn’t be a surprise that some of us are confused and scared at the thought of getting older and fading from society’s focus. For me, it isn’t so much about becoming obsolete, but the simple fact that if I am getting older, everyone else around me is getting older, too. It is difficult to think about my parents and my grandparents aging. I was just telling my mom the other day that, in my mind, my grandparents are in their 60’s, and she and my dad are in their 40’s. I think of my little brothers as just kids. I know we are all getting older (I’m not delusional) but I kinda wish I could freeze time and keep all my loved ones healthy, vibrant, and happy. An impossible task.
There is so much beauty that comes with aging. I know that much. I am grateful for every single year even if some are harder to appreciate than others. Life is absolutely what we make of it.
In other news, I got a packet in the mail about my ten year college reunion. As much as I loved my college years, I am not ready for that. I may never be ready for that.
This is 32, friends.