In the 4+ years since I started this blog, I don’t believe I have ever taken a month off from writing! From wedding planning to getting married to newlywed status and beyond, I have had A LOT to say. This blog (and you that have read and supported me throughout the years) has been a source for inspiration, celebration, and love. You have also seen me through some very, very difficult times; the hardest of my life. You may not know it, but you kept me going through many of those rough patches. That is why I feel so bad about falling silent. It isn’t for lack of care or a desire to be mysterious. I think about my blog a lot, but I just don’t know where to start with all of this.

Some blogs catalog the rebuilding of their kitchens or losing ten pounds or the growth of a pregnant belly. I blogged about infertility and chronic health problems. Fun! But that was what was going on in my life, so I won’t apologize for it. However, somehow my focus shifted from living with infertility to an infertile life. It took me awhile, but I discovered that is simply not sustainable. One cannot live off of negativity and disappointment forever. It has to stop at some point by either (a) getting better or (b) finding a new way to live.

I chose (b) because, well, things weren’t getting better. I now realize that through choosing option (b), option (a) happened.

I wish I had a focal point right now; some tangible project I could undertake to physically show you it’s getting better. But I can’t take weekly photos of my progress, because it’s all contained in my big ass noggin. This is the grandest journey in self-discovery I have undertaken since I started college over ten years ago and had no clue who I was or what I wanted to be. I am now 30 (about to be 31) and am going through a second wave of “reinventing” myself. It seems a lot harder at 31. Maybe because my ability to throw caution to the wind has waned and the days of relying on my parents’ bank accounts are over? What a lot of folks figure out by their mid-twenties has taken me an extra five years to grasp. This is my life. Whatever I am doing or not doing at the moment shapes and defines me and my life. Life wasn’t delivering all of the gifts I dreamed it would, and it was hard to face that music. Reality can be such a bitch. However, it meant I had to put my head down, and work that much harder. I have always been a hard worker, but I broke down. I felt like doors were closing all around me. I got so used to doors closing that I forgot that they can open, too.

When I thought about what defined me, as a person, I came up short. I wanted someone, anyone, to figure my life out for me. Newsflash! That doesn’t happen when you’re an adult. When you’re an adult you figure your own shit out. See what I mean? Most people get this by their mid-twenties. I was still confused, and that made me feel out of control. Cue: anxiety. Sure I can blame it on the lack of getting pregnant or the never-ending health issues. Those were major contributing factors, but ultimately, I was lost. I am still working on forgiving myself for all of this.

So I’ve been away from the blog and away from most online distractions that just aren’t what I need right now. These days you can find me on Pinterest pinning cute clothes and pretty handbags. I enjoy the mindlessness of it. But other than that, I need to focus and keep working on my priorities. I think about you all (or you few?) a lot. Sometimes I read your blogs, because I miss you guys and want to know what’s going on with you. Thank you for the emails and kind words and messages wondering if I’m alive. I am alive and doing really, really well! Thank you for caring and reaching out. It means a lot.

March 28, 2012

thelessthandomesticgoddess

11 Comments

  1. Reply

    Sunny

    April 24, 2012

    I'm glad you are figuring things out and that everything is looking up! 🙂

  2. Reply

    E @ Oh! Apostrophe

    April 24, 2012

    Glad things are going well for you!! 🙂

  3. Reply

    Colleen C

    April 24, 2012

    Happy to hear from you!

  4. Reply

    Jenn Marie

    April 24, 2012

    I'm in the same boat my dear — after my husband told me he was gay our ended my TTC journey, I had to try and figure out me again … blogging took a back seat and well, after a few months I finally started to rebuild and while I have nothing super tangible to focus on, I'm working on it! Hang in there!

  5. Reply

    honey my heart

    April 24, 2012

    so happy to hear that you are doing well!! yay carly 🙂

  6. Reply

    EndoJourney

    April 25, 2012

    Love you Carly! This update makes me so happy to read. 🙂

  7. Reply

    hemborgwife

    April 25, 2012

    Great update and I am not so sure if everyone else has this things figured out in their 20, 30, or even 40's so I think you should feel great about finding yourself all over!

  8. Reply

    -J.Darling

    April 25, 2012

    Have I mentioned how excited I am for you? As an infertile woman in her early 30's, I know what you mean. The ONLY reason I learned to "face the music" in my mid-20's is because of a traumatic incident (divorce). Now I realize we are ALL a work in progress. Keep it going girl!

  9. Reply

    Nellie @ Our Wired Lives

    April 25, 2012

    Cary, this is a great update. I've been away from my blog for several weeks now as well. Sometimes you just need to be away. You're in my thoughts. I hope it's going well. When you're ready, I'll be all ears.

  10. Reply

    Nancie

    May 4, 2012

    Hi Carly, thanks for updating and checking in with us. I always think about you and your blog, but I know that sharing your life/thoughts publicly is not always easy. So thank you for your honesty and glad to hear that you are focusing on the positive. All the best.

  11. Reply

    Sugar

    May 9, 2012

    I think we are all a work in progress. At almost 33, I have been trying to find a passion for years. I have yet to answer that question. Good luck and keep us updated!!

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