I thought I’d show you guys my surgery scars today. Not that you are interested, but maybe this will be therapeutic for me? I’ve been feeling rather self-conscious about them lately. It doesn’t help that as this post was going to press, I asked L what he thought of the picture below. He laughed and made a face. Fuuuuuuck. If you can’t count on your husband to lie to you about your looks, who can you count on?!? Well, whatever. Then I took a quick, unposed pic of his bare stomach, and proceeded to laugh at it for awhile. For some reason, he didn’t find that so comical.
Back to my scars. They don’t seem to be fading, and at this point I’m assumming they are my new lifelong buddies. They aren’t big. They aren’t gross. They aren’t really a huge deal. But I’m acting like an asshole about this, because…well…I liked my abs. I haven’t liked them for years, but I always assumed I could get them in shape if I wanted to. You know? Now, I just don’t feel I can ever show them off again. I’m also concerned that the sun will darken my scars even more. So bikinis are OUT of the question this summer. Maybe next summer, too.
My mother-in-law still blames L for her c-section scar and “ruining” her pre-pregnancy 90 pound body. I remember being confused at her seemingly over-the-top vanity. I still think she’s rather vain (as it’s been over 30 years since she gave birth), but I’m starting to understand the issue of body change. My body has been permanently changed by this surgery. It’s a weird feeling.
With that said, I am so grateful that the surgery went well, and I am on the road to recovery. Health comes first, of course. The scars are like my battle wounds, except my bad ass scar story isn’t “I was thrown off my motorcycle going 80 down the highway.” Mine is more like, “I had cysts, polyps, and endometriosis.”
Well alrighty then.
In trying to cheer myself up, I spent too much money on this J.Crew swimsuit. It’s the gift I’m giving myself for surviving these past few months with minimal breakdowns, and a new lease on life. 🙂
Anyone else have issues dealing with scars or body change?