Awhile back I had another dinner extravaganza with my in(sane)-laws. Everyone that reads my blog is familiar with many a story involving my favorite second parents.
The most current debauchery did not disappoint. I don’t think it tops the time my mom-in-law belched in the backseat, but it’s still pretty over-the-top shit.
First of all, L and I know that when we go out to dinner with his parents, we usually eat really good Korean BBQ. The in-laws are picky about their food. One time when I first met L, my father-in-law (FIL) got in a shouting match with the owner of an upscale Korean restaurant over a dish that wasn’t up to snuff. I was mortified, because I don’t usually speak up about that kind of stuff.
They be crazy about their grub.
For this dinner, L and I picked the restaurant because we were feeling…I don’t know…brave? This would definitely come back to bite us in the ass. Anyway, read on.
We met at the restaurant. My FIL sat down and in his hand was this green piece of fruit that looked like a giant grape. He placed it on the table without a word. I thought to myself that it was odd to bring food INTO a restaurant, but whatever. Then he declared, “Let’s drink”.
L and I looked at each other. This was going to be a long night.
The in-laws were in rare form and started criticizing stuff from the moment we sat down.
- The table we were sitting at was too far in the corner and apparently made my MIL claustrophobic.
- My FIL was annoyed because the soju (Korean rice wine) we ordered was over-priced.
- My MIL went to rest her hand on the top of the booth and it was “filthy dirty”. Why she needed to put her hand there, I will never know.
This was all before we even ORDERED OUR FOOD. After the food came, my spirit was quickly dwindling.
- The meat was too crispy.
- The waitress wasn’t cooking things correctly (which required that my FIL steal the cooking tongs from her, and order her away).
- The grill was too oily.
- There wasn’t enough garlic.
- Ok, now there was enough garlic, but it wasn’t chopped correctly.
And on and on and on and on. Everything became a blur of complaints and a greasy pan of food in front of me.
It was when I nearly got hit in the head by a flaming squid leg cracking on the overheated grill that I was brought back to consciousness.
By the time we finished up, my FIL had successfully gotten sauced, and my MIL was actually behaving herself quite well aside from her blatant displeasure at our choice of restaurant.
When the bill came, my FIL picked up the the giant green grape (which I learned was a plum) and declared that this was “the best plum he has ever eaten in his life”. He then tried to split it in half with his bare hands and a big piece of it went flying in the air landing on the floor in the middle of the restaurant.
In the MIDDLE of the RESTAURANT.
What’s so hilarious was that they thought nothing of this. Business as usual. They just kept talking and then eventually my FIL went and picked up the glob of plum on his way to the bathroom.
Never a dull moment with these people.
Dinner ended rather unceremoniously compared to the previous events of the night. The in-laws had a bag of goodies for us including a bright teal button-down for L. L told his mom that he had no use for the shirt, but she wouldn’t hear of it. Now we have another item in our closet from them that likely won’t see the light of day anytime soon.
I don’t think they will ever let us pick the restaurant again. But that’s cool, because somehow everything we do is not as good as they would do it. That’s something that has taken seven years for me to kinda sorta accept.
As I said, business as usual.
Anyone else care to share any in(sane)-law stories of your own?