This post is not related to my health issues, but rather a little journey through my womanly health care experiences. Yesterday I had my 4-month post op appointment, and it made me realize how many odd occurrences I have had in doctors’ offices. As women, we have to go through so much more “down there” than men. AND we have to carry and birth babies? This seems rather unfair. Where do I send my complaint letter?
Anyway, I think I could be a contender for the Most Awkward Gynecological Experiences Award. I don’t pride myself on being in the running for this type of honor.
Allow me to explain.
Years ago, I had scheduled a check-up with my regular doctor. I found out when I arrived at the office that “a new doctor” would be checking me, because my regular doctor was on maternity leave. To me, meeting a new doctor is always a bit nerve-wracking. But it was especially nerve-wracking when I was told I needed a pap smear, and the new doctor asked the receptionist to be her stand-in physician’s assistant. Then the makeshift assistant ran around giggling while my feet were up in the stirrups. Was she giggling at my lady parts or because she was a receptionist and should have been answering the phones and not looking at my hoo ha? Either way, not professional.
I have since switched doctors.
I eventually found a doctor that I really trusted. She was part of a teaching hospital. I have nothing against teaching hospitals, but it can be slightly uncomfortable to tell your doctor about the stuff going on with your vagina while a medical student/intern/whatever, who you’ve never met in your life, looks on. By “looks on” I mean stares into your vagina with your doctor, and then they have a nice little conversation about it. Sweet. I’m so glad I could be of service to everyone.
Despite the presence of random students meandering in and out of exam rooms, I have stuck with this doctor because I like her. She referred me out to a few specialists during my health scare. These specialists have further sealed my nomination for the Most Awkward Gynecological Experiences Award.
First I went to a radiologist who decided I would be the lucky one who would get a “new” method of testing/procedure performed on me. Literally, the FIRST patient. Oh joy! As I chilled in the stirrups, I tried to separate myself from the fact that FOUR people were in the room (doctor, nurse, and two randoms) standing behind the brightest spotlight in history while I had this new procedure done. One of the randoms was so nervous and embarrassed that he kept running into things, and dropping his papers/pens/whatever on the ground. I felt sorry for him. Wait, wasn’t I the one who should be embarrassed?
But this last one really takes the cake.
Yesterday, I saw my surgical doctor (who I love), and he gave me a quick pap smear. I wasn’t phased by the fact that he had some random person in the room. I was actually just relieved that, for once, the random was FEMALE. Then he directed me to the radiologist whom would perform my ultrasound.
I got hustled into the ultrasound room where this miniature woman with glasses jerked to and fro with her magical ultrasound wand. She must have been in a real big hurry, because she basically de-virginized me. Wait, I’m not a virgin. Well, it felt like I was being de-virginized all over again. Yeah, I know. Terrible. I have had these types of ultrasounds before, and they don’t feel like that. Then she told me to get dressed. Before I could eek out a response, she was out the door. Okie doke. So, I put my pants on and waited for her return. 5 minutes…10 minutes…15 minutes…ummm, hello, de-virginizing lady, I don’t have all day. 20 minutes…I was starting to go cross-eyed because the lights were off and I had only the ultrasound monitor to light my way. 25 MINUTES.
At that point, I poked my head out the door. No sign of her. No sign of life. Where is everyone? I fumbled out into the hallway, and made my way to the reception desk. I asked the receptionist, “I’m trying to find my radiologist. Have you seen her?” The receptionist’s response, “Oh, she’s at lunch. Do you need something?”
Uh, do I NEED something?!? You must be crazy, b*tch.
I cooled myself down quickly, and resisted my growing need to strangle her or anyone in the nearby vicinity, and let her know that I was left in the exam room alone for half an hour while the radiologist disappeared without a word.
She apologized profusely, and tried to make up some story that covered the radiologist’s ass. Lies. She just told me she went to lunch. It wasn’t the receptionist’s fault. I feel for people who have to apologize on behalf of their idiot boss’s behaviors. (I have been there.) But still, the whole situation really irked me. Her roughness, her coldness, and then her need to go get a sandwich while I nearly fell asleep in the ultrasound room?
I am hoping that if I ever get pregnant, I somehow get lucky and don’t add to my list of awkward experiences. Hey, it could happen, right?
I realize this post is quite revealing, and basically a topic that many consider private. But if you have comments, experiences, or anything to share, feel free to share away.