Lawrence and I have been looking for a new place to live. Sadly, we aren’t HOUSE hunting yet. For a few minutes I was a little pouty that we weren’t financially comfortable enough to consider pretty houses with yards and white picket fences. But, then I snapped out of it and realized – oh, boo freakin’ hoo – it’ll happen for us one of these days 🙂
Anyway, I have been filling my free time scouring Craigslist and similar rental websites; then driving around looking at possible places. So far, I’ve learned a lot from my search. For example, these landlords or people that write property descriptions either have the world’s most vivid imaginations, are on drugs, or are just plain full of crap. This apartment pictured below was described as “sexy”.
I want to present my guide to official “Los Angeles Landlord Speak”. When it says:
Cozy = the place is tiny. There’s a possibility you will have to sleep on bunk beds.
Remodeled = the place is ancient, and was dirty. But we slapped some paint on that baby, and poof! It’s remodeled.
Up and Coming Area = only one to two drivebys per day.
Premier = you little people can’t afford this.
Convenient = you may or may not live adjacent to a Burger King drive thru.
A Real Steal = the former tenants may have died here.
Gorgeous, Beautiful, Amazing, Fabulous = these are all subjective words.
No credit checks = only three to five drivebys per day.
Safe Neighborhood = ‘safe’ is a subjective word.
Landlord on Premises = you aren’t gonna get away with nothin’. Namely, sneaking your little dog named Emma in to live with you. Dammit.
No pictures, but a ‘Must See!’ = there’s no apartment for rent. We actually operate a low-end prostitution ring. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!
Oh, the joys of apartment hunting.
Silvia
This is hilarious and so very true! Good luck with finding a decent apt soon!
honey my heart
oh the all too familiar landlord speak. it's pretty much the same here in sb 🙂 good luck w/ your search!
Felicia
That's funny. My husband and I are searching as well, around the same area as you guys are too! Good luck to all of us 🙂
btw, glad I found your blog via Mrs Flamingo's. I really enjoyed your posts as Glitter. (I comment as mrspaetz on Weddingbee).